you come to me now
with forged humility
and forced apology
you retrace your steps
to where you got lost
then indict me
for not holding a map
as if i knew you were headed there
never falling out of character
you confess to being damaged
and unbandage your soul to beguile me
as if i cant taste my own pain
king of diversion
tricky manipulator
stranger with familiar eyes
you throw the blame in my direction
and point the finger at ME
waiting for a reaction
as if i’m deaf to my failure

I live in a doll house of melted plastic and
Once lovely dresses;
Now faded and mildewed.
Colors rot and decompose
Into ash,
Leaving a trail of brown hues…
A rainbow of vomit.

Companions painted by their disposal,
And decorated faces stained with lead based
“Make-me-pretties”…
It’s like trying to plant wildflowers in a dead
And sunburned field,
Only to watch thirst
Slither snakelike
Across a possessed highway.

Good intentions and
Suicidal tendencies
Wavering above the pavement.
Rippling reality,
Faded; orange and gray.
Polyurethane potential
To keep the furniture clean…
Spandex and propane,
Pretty ribbons and lace.
Rusty nails and prying eyes -
Keep your innocence to yourself.
I’ll take my smiles and sell them
In this dusty driveway to
Alienated passers-by.
Like ambrosia (amnesia) made with rotten fruit;
Corroded and caustic,
Stop this mental bleeding.

This is my doll house;
My inconsistent foundation,
(Revlon Age Defying / 01/ fresh ivory)
My wilted pictures and their splintered framework,
My deflated gizmos.
(my deflated ego)
(my deflated inner tube —> how can I stay afloat now?)
These are my shiny knick-knacks; 
No matter how rusted or poisoned!
My kitsch.
My excess.
MY torn emotions
And tattered promiscuity…
This is my split personality
And you can’t have her!
I pay my homage
And my way-past-dues;
This is my wet fire and I’ll let it consume me.

Possum rhythm charm,
Snapped string, bloodied by the sting;
Your intruding fingers…
DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!
The sun; faded and overrated.
Phases of my body
Shifting like dirt…
Sifting for anything human;
ANYTHING to remind us
Of how dead we really are.
Discolored movies project(il)ed across the walls
With molded bread and cheese
From days gone by.

This is my doll house.
My decrepit carnival out back;
(insert carnival music here)
My nicotine stained wall paper,
My fucking rat poison,
My weak threads that break when bitten,
My plastic furniture…
(don’t sit on that, honey)
My plastic flowers
In a melted Aquanet paradise.
This is MY dirty bedroom
And you won’t lay a fucking hand on me.

It’s like eating your evaporated fish,
And now your insides are polluted with decay…
Let’s see you cross this trembling highway now!
This is my corner where I can pout,
Because I was a bad girl today.
These are my mistakes;
Persistent as these dead roses
Who refuse to be tossed out with last Tuesday’s news.

The sun shined on you today,
in all your quiet frustration…
and under it, i SAW you.
You said no words, but I HEARD you.
That look on your face spoke volumes,
And it told me a story
Of your secret burdens…
Your heavy heart screamed out a whisper
And you silently clenched your jaw
But still, I heard your eyes loud and clear.

Even now,
hours later,
long past midnight…
their echo still remains.
And the moon shines for you tonight,
in all your gentleness and beauty…
and under it i’d hold you,
silently speaking back to you.

There are no words
to convey the intensity
of how precious i see you…
You in your darkened skies;
sitting on thunderclouds
that rage your pain.

If only a caress
would ease your burden,
I would cradle you safe…
brush the curve of your jaw,
run silent fingers
against your temple,
through your hair
to lighten your thoughts

I would whisper
of forgotten dreams,
butterfly wings made of dawn,
dragonflies that sing with sunset…
A gentle reverie
to fill your mind
and bind your worries
so that
for a calm moment
you would know
there is someone
who wants
nothing from you
but to see you sleep…
And maybe dream in starlight.

One day, things will be fine again
And we’ll meet at the gates of Wonderland…
That’s where I’ll be waiting;
just to see your smile
one more time.

And if you get tired on the way there,
Don’t turn back or give up hope.
Because if you ever buckle under the weight of the world,
If your back gives out from the pressure,
If your knees get weak and you fall…
I’ll catch you.

It won’t be hard to find me…
Just look for the “X” in the road
Where imagination and destiny meet…
Far beyond the Weeping Willows
that cry for your return.